I had never imagined having a child in my life. I had moved out at 14 to live in Texas, California and Nevada, before I moved back to Utah at 17. I was using multiple drugs with my husband John when the moment of crisis came. My pregnancy test was positive. I rode a roller coaster of emotions as I watched my loves, hope and beliefs shatter. John and I were separated before the end of the week. If I had based the decision about my pregnancy on what seemed best at the time, I would have chosen to end the life of my baby, and would never have known the power of God’s mercy.
Conceived is defined as: Imagined as possible or true.
At the moment of the baby’s conception, hope was also born, which sustained me through the next nine months. I faced the ridicule and threats of the father and the opinions of everyone, including my boss—who suggested I get an abortion. I was overwhelmed with emotion, impairing even my day-to-day decisions. In a few months, though, a new life would evolve around this hope. Because of the choice for life, new dreams I hadn’t dared before to imagine began to surface.
Facing birth alone
There were two ways to look at my pregnancy. An accident resulting in hopelessness, difficulty and poverty — or the truth — that life brings the challenges that cause courage to blossom with-in. Strength that leads to passion that one day may change the course of nations. In resignation to truth, two young lives had just begun. A chubby ten-pound baby boy and his mother.
The pain of delivery alone is enough to drive any expectant mother toward making the wrong choice. When we reach the delivery room, we don’t know what strengths we possess. If Mary had been shown her baby boy hanging upon a Cross for the sins of the world some 33 years later, she may have not thought she could bear it. A child brings unspoken conditions of course—unconditional love and a quality of life that has no comparison. Things like praying, crying, and laughing uncontrollably all come with the territory. I came to see that this newly created life within my womb was a chance for freedom from the prison that I had selfishly created.
There is one particular conception that I reflect upon: One other pregnant, young mother who faced an uncertain future. The laws of the time were strict. If discovered, she could be taken outside the city walls and stoned. Her betrothed faced his own crisis of belief and contemplated leaving her immediately. If that wasn’t enough, the governing ruler, Herod, believed the boy to be a challenge to his throne as king and sent soldiers to kill every boy under two years old in an attempt to destroy him. This child was the Savior of the world, Jesus Christ. Mary, the young mother, chose to follow God’s plan, regardless of the cost, as did her husband, Joseph. God turned every heart, provided for every need and even rescued them from certain death.
The gift of hope
I am now 31 years old. I have a beautiful son named Christian and a wonderful husband. I haven’t seen the father of my baby for five years, but I now know true faithfulness. I have never been disappointed in the God that I call Father, who has been faithful to each promise He has ever made. I will never be able to thank Him enough for the opportunity to experience this new life.
I witnessed God restore the loss of my life when I turned to Him. He has helped me through so many challenges to deliver me and my son into a wonderful, blessed future. He knew the plans He had for me. Plans to protect me and to help me prosper. Plans to give me hope and a future.
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